Officially Christmas Time

Oh, would it be alright if we didn't say goodbye this time.
But have no worries, I'll be alright this time.
At the end of the night next time, after we look at the star filled night, can we escape...

…Because I Can Just Hang Up The Phone When It Starts To Hurt

I guess people say things, maybe not out of spite, but in this sort of case, I’m thinking you’re saying things like this just to talk. Is it because you and him have nothing else to talk about? Is this your way of ‘spicing things up’? Is this your way of taking a knife to my unguarded insides (because why would I need to hide them from you?) and slaughtering them? Because we both know that this sort of talk stirs up trouble with the talkers that blow the words out of proportion.
Is it because, maybe, you are an evil person on the inside? Well, don’t worry, because I don’t even believe that.
I guess this is just another lesson learned that talking aloud isn’t the brightest of things to do. I should’ve figured this out, and I thought I did, I just thought you were a person to be trusted. I’m not surprised though, if it makes you feel any better. I had no expectations.
It’s pretty hard for me to daydream. It’s pretty easy to watch you do it. It’s pretty sad to know that sometime you’ll just be like me, knowing that you can’t have the innocent things like daydreams. I’m not going to corrupt your whimsical ways, because you deserve to keep hold of them as long as you can.
And when you come, and cry about all the things he said, I’ll pat your back, sure thing, but I will let you know that you should’ve watched me closer.
I know that you have faith in yourself and the relationship you dream about. I think you put yourself down as a façade of false insecurity. You’ve got your doubts; but if you didn’t believe it, why would you be dreaming it?
But until you understand what it is that I am saying you’ll keep saying unintentional spiteful things and I’ll silently take it, because I can just hang up the phone when it starts to hurt.

Brianne and the first picture of the night....SURPRISE LITTLE SISTER!!!!! 

Amber and Athenia....drunk, anyone?? 

Collin and Roxanne 

Athenia and Amber being goobers 

Napolean showed up too... 

Amber dancing... 

Athenia and I after Brianne yanked the camera 

Amber, Brianne, and Adam falling backwards 

Athenia, Brianne, and (half) of Amber 

Collin and Roxy-Anne at the party 

Caitlin, Myself, and Roxy-Anne 

The Burfday Girl's pre-party picture 

Brianne's Skills 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A wall of mine... 

Good morning, sunshine. 

I wish he had a pair of nunchucks here.  

Dylan attacking Tori. 

Tori and myself. 

Don't Say The Wrong Thing Because The Wrong Thing Is Nothing

Personally, I take it as resentment and...hatred. Yes, at times when you look at me and storm away so quickly with nothing to say, it seems that I ruin you. But how could I do that? And the 'three-day-funk' turned into four and I was too scared to even tell you goodbye, and I just left with my bouquet of nothing that mattered then. I can read you vaguely, but when you say that it's nothing, I just want to hug you. And how can I stand here with you when I realize that I'm involuntarily hurting you? You always talk too little and too late when you explode with your tensions and frustrations. And then you laugh about it. That's what gets me the worst. Because you don't want to laugh at all, you want to scream and kick and gauge my eyes out, but instead you just laugh and begin to start boiling again. Even your special someone sees you as their best friend, the most genuine, and trustworthy person to walk over creation. You're everything to me, I mean this so honestly, and I get to go to sleep knowing you may be screaming with ink, perhaps actually screaming aloud, and you won't tell me why. You won't even let me try to sew up your chest where your heart was ripped out because suffering seems so much better than all the time spent recovering... You want someone to love, to love you back, to patch up your cuts, to care so much, and you're shoving me out the door when it's been me who does love you and want to help in your aid. "They say this is just a dark cloud over the land but THEY make the weather and they stand under the rain and say 'Oh shit, it's raining!'" I sit here trying to reach you with anything I can say knowing you won't say anything about this, ever. I love you. But really, I know you know that.



Rain still makes me smile. It used to make me smile because it meant that you were staying home and seeing me. We count on the inconsistency now. You probably can't remember the texture of my skin under your fingertips anymore. If I had the right words, I'd tell you. Does it hurt? I hope not. I do not have emotion with this right now. I don't feel bad about it either. Though, that is appropriate, if I am emotionless, right?


I am really happy though...Happier than I've been in so long. I breathe for ME now, not because I'll be seeing anyone tonight. My co-dependency is, so thankfully, out the door. I can make my own self happy. And I don't let myself down. I don't wonder about you anymore, because you'll be around when you decide to come around, and if that's ever or never is your choice. You're wiser now? I'm so happy for you. I'd like to think of myself wiser now as well. I'm not going to ask questions. You'll tell me if your conscience finds it a good thing.