Don't Say The Wrong Thing Because The Wrong Thing Is Nothing

Personally, I take it as resentment and...hatred. Yes, at times when you look at me and storm away so quickly with nothing to say, it seems that I ruin you. But how could I do that? And the 'three-day-funk' turned into four and I was too scared to even tell you goodbye, and I just left with my bouquet of nothing that mattered then. I can read you vaguely, but when you say that it's nothing, I just want to hug you. And how can I stand here with you when I realize that I'm involuntarily hurting you? You always talk too little and too late when you explode with your tensions and frustrations. And then you laugh about it. That's what gets me the worst. Because you don't want to laugh at all, you want to scream and kick and gauge my eyes out, but instead you just laugh and begin to start boiling again. Even your special someone sees you as their best friend, the most genuine, and trustworthy person to walk over creation. You're everything to me, I mean this so honestly, and I get to go to sleep knowing you may be screaming with ink, perhaps actually screaming aloud, and you won't tell me why. You won't even let me try to sew up your chest where your heart was ripped out because suffering seems so much better than all the time spent recovering... You want someone to love, to love you back, to patch up your cuts, to care so much, and you're shoving me out the door when it's been me who does love you and want to help in your aid. "They say this is just a dark cloud over the land but THEY make the weather and they stand under the rain and say 'Oh shit, it's raining!'" I sit here trying to reach you with anything I can say knowing you won't say anything about this, ever. I love you. But really, I know you know that.



Rain still makes me smile. It used to make me smile because it meant that you were staying home and seeing me. We count on the inconsistency now. You probably can't remember the texture of my skin under your fingertips anymore. If I had the right words, I'd tell you. Does it hurt? I hope not. I do not have emotion with this right now. I don't feel bad about it either. Though, that is appropriate, if I am emotionless, right?


I am really happy though...Happier than I've been in so long. I breathe for ME now, not because I'll be seeing anyone tonight. My co-dependency is, so thankfully, out the door. I can make my own self happy. And I don't let myself down. I don't wonder about you anymore, because you'll be around when you decide to come around, and if that's ever or never is your choice. You're wiser now? I'm so happy for you. I'd like to think of myself wiser now as well. I'm not going to ask questions. You'll tell me if your conscience finds it a good thing.