Just To Make Things Right

I find myself lost for seconds at a time. In thoughts of smashing everything, silencing anything that dares make a noise, that dare break that perfect terrible pure hate that I can't seem to escape. I wander. That beautiful violence follows me like a sweet fragrance, clinging to my clothes and hanging in my memory like stale smoke in my fondest of memories.
That is when I am by myself and perfectly solitary in my own element. That is when I can drift away for seconds at a time and fulfill all those desires that remain repressed. To utterly destroy all that I cannot be. It's always there.
In my mind I try to rid myself of the reminder, to rid myself of the threat of socialized humanity. I could strive my whole life to create something of beauty or I could make just as much of a difference by destroying it.
If I were dying in your arms-Oh what a romantic scene-would you then profess your love for me?
If I were, perhaps, held-captive, prisoner-would you feel a deep painful longing for me?
If I were an abstract concept, or a mysterious character in a novel you've read, would you ponder over my workings with intrigue?
If I were just a silly girl writing her life away, desperately searching for your love, approval, importance...would you never realize how much I care?
And I do not know how to find the words for "I'm sorry". The light was extinguished by mistake. I meant for it to be your frustrations only that caused your grief. I fear that in my error I fanned the flames of nothing while snuffing the love. The amount that there was. It's your choice whether there was an abundance of the love... If you could have only stood still a moment longer...would anything be different now? Could you be content with the flavor?